5 Tips On Learning To Carry Your Grief

You don?t think you?ll live past it and you don?t really. The person you were is gone, but the half of you that is still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. ? Barbara Kingsolver

Yesterday I saw someone who looked like my late-husband, who died eleven years ago. I immediately experienced the deep and intense heartache of missing him, and wishing that he was still here, wondering what life would be like had he not died. The same thing happens when something, or someone, reminds me of my son who died nine years ago. No matter how much time has passed, the anguish is still there. I have come to accept that this sorrow will always be a part of my life. It has taken me years to learn how to carry the pain and find a way to live life again.

Whether the loss of your loved one is recent, or many years ago, the pain of learning to live without them can be crippling and it can seem impossible to find a way forward. It is confusing and painful to watch others continue unaffected in their daily lives when your life is shattered. How do you begin to put the pieces of your life back together so that you can find a way to function again? How do you learn to live with the pain? Is it possible to ever feel joy again?

How Do I Carry This Pain?

1. Acknowledge that your life will be different

Death leaves a void in your life that is permanent. Your loved one is no longer here. Nothing you do can change this fact. No matter how much you long for life to be the way it was when your loved one was here, there is no turning back the hands of time. You are stuck here in the present moment without them. This is the brutal and undeniable truth that death and grief bring into your life. Acknowledging that your life will never be the same will help you begin to see a way to put the pieces that are remaining of your life back together again.

2. Let yourself feel all of your emotions

You should be prepared that you will experience a vast array of emotions: anger, fear, irritability, resentment, and hopelessness, being just a few. The actual scope of emotions you may experience is almost endless. If these emotions are not acknowledged and eventually worked through, they will pull you down into the quicksand of grief, each one like a weight attached to your ankle.

Grief demands that our emotions and heartache be adequately attended to, honored, and healed before we are allowed to move forward.

3. Strengthen your grief muscles

Just as we can strengthen our physical muscles, we can work on a regular basis on strengthening our grief muscles. Most of the time we are not even aware we are developing these muscles. Every day that you spend without your loved one, conditions you to learn how to eventually be able to move forward while carrying your grief. No matter how much time passes you will always have moments where the grief is too heavy again, and overwhelms your grief muscles. But if you keep plodding ahead through the pain, the muscles will recover enough to allow you to move out of the deep anguish you are feeling. One step at a time. Do not stop.

4. As time goes on do you best to limit the amount of time you spend during the day focused on your grief

This is a really hard one. It is hard to believe that we have any control over the amount of time we spend mired in our grief. I can look back now and see that I lost years of my life because I didn?t believe that I had any control over my thoughts and feelings. Basically, I allowed my thoughts and feelings to control me.

In the novel, The Girl from the Train, by Irma Joubert, I read an idea that had great appeal to me. The book described the use of a mourning blanket after a loved one?s death. You set aside a specific amount of time during the day and wrap yourself up in the blanket, imagining that your lost loved one is there with you and that you are grieving the loss together. After the blanket is put away, the griever gets on with the business of daily living.

Using an item like a mourning blanket is a physical reminder that you have control over the amount of time you allow yourself to actively grieve throughout the day. It doesn?t mean that you forget or pretend that your pain isn?t real. It means that you also recognize that you must learn how to live and function with the pain.

5. Hang onto the love you shared

Many times our default memories about our lost loved one are the painful ones surrounding the loss. You can change that default picture by making a concerted effort to remember the love you shared. And then, remember that this love can never be lost. This love will always be yours.

Let love help you learn to carry your pain. Healing grief and learning to live without your loved one is the hardest thing you will ever do, but love and loss can learn to walk side by side. By honoring your pain and the love you shared, you can find a way to live again.

You can find my book, The Other Side of Complicated Grief, here.

You can find my Facebook grief support page, here.

Find out more about the sculpture ?Cairn? by Celeste Roberge, pictured above.

This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn?t make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let?s talk about living with loss. If you have a story you?d like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.

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September 20, 2017

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MAD Magazine: Time Stole Its Cover From Us!

MAD magazine is seeing red over Time?s new cover, which shows the onion domes of Moscow looming over the White House of President Donald Trump

Time also released an animated version of the cover online: 

But MAD featured a similar image in December, although not as a cover: 

The magazine?s editors wrote:

?Once More, With Stealing Dept.In 1952, Time Magazine called MAD ?a short lived, satirical pulp.? Now they?re stealing our material! Honestly, we?re flattered, but we would have appreciated a credit ? something like, ?Idea stolen from MAD, which in 1952 we called a short lived satirical pulp!??

Brobel Design created The Time cover, and its primary artist, Ed Gabel, told Inverse that he hadn?t seen the MAD image. 

?I love MAD. I think MAD is a fun read,? Gabel told the website. 

MAD is part of DC Comics, which is owned by Time Warner… which also owns Time Inc., publisher of Time magazine.

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August 21, 2017

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Celebrity Men Are Staking Claim On Who Wore The ‘RompHim’ First

The ?RompHim,? a Kickstarter project that?s designing rompers specifically for men, has taken the internet by storm this week. 

Many a tweet and hot take have debated the necessity of a male romper, whether men should even wear them (newsflash: you can wear whatever you want), and whether or not the article of clothing needs to be renamed. 

Others have gotten into the whole ?who wore it first? debate. While some have pointed to Cam Newton?s recent Coachella outfit, the internet has decided that Sean Connery was the first (and the greatest) to rock this polarizing article of clothing: 

It looks like the OriginalRompHim Instagram account, the people behind the Kickstarter campaign, agree: 

Newton did recently rock a romper, though it had a slightly bigger inseam than Connery?s look: 

But as Andy Cohen pointed out on Tuesday?s episode of ?Watch What Happens Live,? he was wearing rompers before they were popular. 

?Here?s what I want to know,? Cohen said. ?Why do you need a Kickstarter for an item of clothing, especially when I kickstarted the RompHim two years ago?? 

It appears the RompHim will soon have a little competition, as Reebok recently announced that it?s introducing the ?ReeRomp? in just a few days. 

According to the product description, this is an $89 athletic version of the RompHim. It was ?built for bros? and ?will keep you cool in more ways than one.? Sounds … great? 

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August 7, 2017

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These 5 Presidents Had The Shortest Tenures In U.S. History

President Donald Trump has served as the commander-in-chief of the United States for just about four months now. He has more than 1,300 days left in his current term and after that would very likely run for another.

With a 40 percent approval rating, Trump is historically unpopular. And as news about the multiple investigations into his presidential campaign?s ties to Russia continues to breakmedia outlets and lawmakers have launched into rampant speculation about whether he will make it through the rest of his term.

While the Russian investigations could theoretically bring Trump down, he has defied all political odds to survive and, until recently, has enjoyed broad support among his base. No matter what happens, though, he won?t have the shortest or most ineffective presidency in history. Several U.S. presidents barely had time to gild the White House before their successor stepped in.

31 Days ? William Henry Harrison

Harrison, elected to the presidency in 1840, was the oldest president to enter the White House at the time, at the ripe age of 68. A common refrain says he caught a cold while delivering his Inaugural Address that later developed into pneumonia. However, recent reports speculate he may have been infected with deadly bacteria that lead to a septic shock.

He died on the 32nd day of his presidency.

199 Days ? James Garfield

James Garfield was the 20th president of the United States, elected in 1881 following nine terms in the House of Representatives. He was shot during the first year of his presidency by Charles Guiteau, an ?embittered attorney,? according to the White House.

Two bullets struck him; one grazed his arm and another lodged itself into his abdomen. As The New York Times notes, the lack of advanced medical equipment saw ?at least a dozen medical experts [probing] the president?s wound, often with unsterilized metal instruments or bare hands.? They couldn?t find the bullet, which doctors later declared created ?a nonlethal wound,? and a series of poor medical decisions saw the president dead several weeks later.

His death is listed as an assassination.

492 Days ? Zachary Taylor 

Taylor, America?s 12th president, fell ill after participating in a July 4 celebration at the Washington Monument. He died five days later.

Wild theories that he had been poisoned with arsenic were discounted in 1991 after a Kentucky medical examiner determined he died of ?one of a myriad of natural diseases.? It?s more likely he died of cholera or a similar bacterial infection.

881 Days ? Warren G. Harding

Warren G. Harding was just over halfway through his presidential term when he suddenly died of a heart attack at the age of 58 in San Francisco.

895 Days ? Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford became president after Richard Nixon resigned in 1974, in the middle of his second term. Ford finished out the term and, despite his decision to pardon his predecessor, garnered moderate popularity. In his obituary, the Times called his term an era of ?pivotal days of national introspection, involving America?s first definitive failure in a war and the first resignation of a president.?

He ran for election two years later, defeating former California Governor Ronald Reagan to win the Republican nomination. He ultimately lost to Democrat Jimmy Carter.

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August 2, 2017

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July 16, 2017

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Besides newspapers and TV coverage, the sports world is also being covered by many social media pages. They include a lot of banter in their posts. Many Chiro-Medical Groups have gone popular ever since Ryan opened his office, the local news have been responsible of making his endeavor well known ever since they interviewed him over at his place last October for a World Spine Day coverage they were carrying on.. The audience seems to love it as well.

July 10, 2017

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No Joke, The Rock Leads Donald Trump In New Poll For 2020 Election

We finally know what the Rock is cooking: a presidential run.

It?s easy to laugh or raise a quizzical People?s Eyebrow when hearing Dwayne Johnson told GQ that running for president is ?a real possibility.? Now, it seems like President Rock could become a reality.

As reported by various outlets, according to a new national poll from Public Policy Polling looking at the 2020 Election, if Johnson (yes, that same guy you saw redirecting a torpedo in ?Fate of the Furious?) ran as a Democrat, he?d lead Donald Trump. And not by a little.

Public Policy Polling recaps:

Johnson would lead Trump 42/37 in a prospective contest, and wins over 15% of people who supported Trump last fall.

No, that?s right, Donald. We?re just telling you what the poll says. 

Looking further into the data:

36% of voters see Johnson favorably to 13% with a negative view of him, although 50% of voters have no opinion about him either way. Both Democrats (38/15) and Republicans (31/17) see him positively.

Yep. According to these numbers, Dwayne ?The Rock? Johnson has the potential to win a presidential race.

The road to ?rock? the White House wouldn?t be easy. If he does run as a Democrat (and that?s a big if since Johnson didn?t endorse either candidate in the last election), the actor could be looking at a crowded ticket. 

Trump also trailed another number of hypothetical contests, including races against Joe Biden (54/40 deficit), Bernie Sanders (52/39 deficit), Elizabeth Warren (49/39), Al Franken (46/38) and Cory Booker (46/39).

But forget about those peeps. This is about our future president, Dwayne Johnson.

Our only question now is what kind of president he would be. Would it be the fun, hilarious Rock that we?ve come to know and love? Or would it be more like his ?SNL? character President The Rock Obama? 

We may actually find out in 2020 #RockTheWhiteHouse.


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July 6, 2017

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J.Lo Just Rocked A Thigh-High Slit At 9 In The Freaking Morning

And what did you wear to work on Monday?

Jennifer Lopez clocked in at approximately 9 a.m. looking like the world?s most beautiful woman. She hit the blue carpet at NBC?s upfronts event in a long-sleeved leggy dress by Elie Saab Haute Couture, which she paired with Christian Louboutin sandals and a giant diamond cocktail ring from Narcisa Pheres.

Only her tastefully tousled bun gave any clue that it was technically still breakfast time. 

The dress featured a thigh-high slit and delicate knotted neckline, and the crystal detailing on the back really woke us up.

And THAT is how it?s done. On to the rest of the day!

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July 3, 2017

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